Wow... haven't updated this thing in a long time.. Ash kept reminding me to ..and now..im doing it ..=)..Well hMm..what is going on in my spontaneous/random mind.  First off .. fellas..bring your girls to watch Notebook that movie..is ..truely beautiful...really..great movie.  It's interesting how when you are in school and you think about summer...one of the main things that flow through your brain is ....*summer* no drama....less hectic...CHILL.... then, when it actually comes....drama still accures...it is for sure less hectic..well that depends..what you do..but..i guess what im trying to say is . i keep forgetting so many times that ...drama follows us wherever we go..in life we have so many connections..(bonds between on another).. drama isn't a bad thing its a challange that we must face head on instead of avoiding for...then .we can grow closer..to our friends..our family ..all of the ones we love...it changes us..teaches us ..shapes us..... i must say..im so thankful for the friends that i have..and the family that i have...even though at times my parents..tear my insides apart...It feels pretty awesome to know that .. you know ..i have gone through so much hardship in my life..the ones in which causes kids to kill their family or commit suicide ..but instead im the opposite... my life is a living testimony..haha not the BEST one ..definetly a working progress..

i read in that book Dennis bought me for graduation..and two verses..really hit me..one just said ...live your life through love....and the other one said always make sure you strive for peace between your brothers....these two verses..are what im working on..

other Random Stuff:... HAPPY BiRTHDAY Jessica... im so very proud of you sis ..i love you ...hope you had lots of fun that day..=)....

It's been an awesome Summer.. =)...except for the fact that im dead broke... but my friends are very generous..especially my girl friend.. i love you hun ..=).thank you .. i wouldn't be able to get out of this house or eat anything else but mom's soul food ...

yup thats it..thanks for reading....

~ Outback Joe

Lord, be with all of us this week and fill our hearts with peace and security father....for you are good.  Father i just know you will reveal yourself to us over the next couple weeks..I can feel it tugging on my heart....and I am waiting on it.  I love you and will continue to worship you ...

Lost in a maze, our hearts begging God for an escape..after a long time of pleading he finally spoke...and we found each other.  The room seemed taller then usual with a high ceiling...the room was blue..the whole cave was blue...in that room there were three tunnels...there was a tunnel that belonged to each of us..for it had our names written above it..and it was clear..you could see different things in it ..it was bright....however there was a third tunnel..and it was pitch black with one spec of light.... we hung around for awhile...felt it in our hearts..asked God...held each other's hand...and with determination walked into the third tunnel...so many times we tripped..fell..cut ourselves...and bled..wanting to just leave.losing a lot of faith...since we were walking blind....but we never let go....each time our hands only grew tighter ..bringing security...and we pushed on....with God as the center we knew it wasn't impossible..not once have we looked back.....

for me....it was the best decision i could have ever made...

May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us- yes, establish the works of our hands.  Psalm 90: 17

....here again.....with no one... things have gotten so bad...i can't even move.... it really never stops does it?...i can't stop crying ...Mom and Dad ..can't you see that im dying?...IM SO DAMN BROKEN...and yet you leave me......sometimes even i feel its so unfair.... I HAVE NO ONE!!...i've lost EVERYTHING....sitting here alone ...in hell ...i have gained nothing.....i don't know what to even think anymore...maybe i am destined to be alone...and live a life where im always on the edge...beggin God to please take me cuz i am completely useless......worthless...i think you know what Joe ..maybe some of it isn't your fault..but then i blink again..and everyone around me are either dying or telling me what a failure i am...so i realize the opposite..or the truth you can say...i KNOW friends are blessings..because i have treated all of them like crap...and they are slowly slipping away.....its probably what i deserve...which is nothing.....i have you Lord..to keep me company..but even you seem so far away and unreachable at times...im supposedly given this "God given talent".. but I failed you in trying to take full advantage of it...so im taking classes which helps me cheat a little to get ahead.......sigh....i know im being irrational...and not thinking about what i am actually saying Father.. but ..times like these... i REALLY feel...alone...worthless..broken ..bleeding.. and confused... ..please forgive me.....im thankful for those who love me...and to the same people..im sorry....

...i hope......

you can hear me Lord....

..Alright ...lets get away from the painful xangas haha.. and steer away to something more important....Me and Dennis (my Pastor...VERY YOUNG BY THE WAY ..AND AVAILABLE, LADIES..=).. you better thank me Dennis). ocassionally have one of those interesting conversations about direction and living our daily lives with God...and I have managed to get it down on words...

I asked him ...how am i suppose to know where to go or hear God on direction for college? ..and this is what he went over with me..

1.  seek confirmation from trusted family members or friends

2.  go off by yourself for a few hours and "shut up" - if God wants to speak to you He will...after all, He's God

3.  God has been working in your life for 18 years....there has been a trend...you're not gonna have to come up with something brand new....just ask yourself the question, "what's God been doing in me already?"  we talked about your interest in art...and God has put that in you...so likely your future will have something to do with that..

4.  and of course, ask yourself the question, "how can i glorify God the greatest?"

And then i asked him well..what if i get declined from a place where i really wanted to go?..and Dennis said...

God never sends bad things into this world....but this world is a rotten place and satan is the prince of this world right now..so we don't have to look for trouble.  it's just gonna be there anyway just cuz we live in a fallen world.. but when the trouble comes, God can use those troubles to bring good.."the things that satan meant for harm, God can turn it into good".. there is a verse that goes something like that..

so even if you get rejected from a certain college, it's ok....God has other plans, and God can turn it into a good situation

maybe you weren't meant to go there anyway...

 5.  last thing i said, is that it's ok to make mistakes...we might hear God wrong..and that's ok...he just wants us to try our best to listen for Him..the great thing is that if we hear wrong, there is still hope.. cuz God will continue to steer us and eventually bring us to the right place..

he then talked about his Cornell example ..how he grew up feeling that he had a desire to be a pastor but since he had worldly desires and wanted to be successful he went to Cornell...Dennis said " not to many people go from Cornell to Fuller Seminary" ..

Dennis.. you seriously are getting good.. =) ..or better .hehe ....  and NO it doesn't imply that you really sucked back then.....just....lacked a couple things haha .. j.k . take care..if there is anything you want to add....put it in the comments k? ...

..Alright ...lets get away from the painful xangas haha.. and steer away to something more important....Me and Dennis (my Pastor...VERY YOUNG BY THE WAY ..AND AVAILABLE, LADIES..=).. you better thank me Dennis). ocassionally have one of those interesting conversations about direction and living our daily lives with God...and I have managed to get it down on words...

I asked him ...how am i suppose to know where to go or hear God on direction for college? ..and this is what he went over with me..

1.  seek confirmation from trusted family members or friends

2.  go off by yourself for a few hours and "shut up" - if God wants to speak to you He will...after all, He's God

3.  God has been working in your life for 18 years....there has been a trend...you're not gonna have to come up with something brand new....just ask yourself the question, "what's God been doing in me already?"  we talked about your interest in art...and God has put that in you...so likely your future will have something to do with that..

4.  and of course, ask yourself the question, "how can i glorify God the greatest?"

And then i asked him well..what if i get declined from a place where i really wanted to go?..and Dennis said...

God never sends bad things into this world....but this world is a rotten place and satan is the prince of this world right now..so we don't have to look for trouble.  it's just gonna be there anyway just cuz we live in a fallen world.. but when the trouble comes, God can use those troubles to bring good.."the things that satan meant for harm, God can turn it into good".. there is a verse that goes something like that..

so even if you get rejected from a certain college, it's ok....God has other plans, and God can turn it into a good situation

maybe you weren't meant to go there anyway...

 5.  last thing i said, is that it's ok to make mistakes...we might hear God wrong..and that's ok...he just wants us to try our best to listen for Him..the great thing is that if we hear wrong, there is still hope.. cuz God will continue to steer us and eventually bring us to the right place..

he then talked about his Cornell example ..how he grew up feeling that he had a desire to be a pastor but since he had worldly desires and wanted to be successful he went to Cornell...Dennis said " not to many people go from Cornell to Fuller Seminary" ..

Dennis.. you seriously are getting good.. =) ..or better .hehe ....  and NO it doesn't imply that you really sucked back then.....just....lacked a couple things haha .. j.k . take care..if there is anything you want to add....put it in the comments k? ...